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It's been one heck of a week. Not all bad, but definitely a roller coaster.

Monday was long and exhausting like it always is, but no worse than most front-desk days. ALso got out and got my hair cut, which has landed me a few compliments this week. Which is lovely!

Tuesday I got into a heavy conversation with my boss and was the closest to quitting I've ever been. Don't really want to get into specifics, and I'm actually not 100% sure it wasn't me overreacting because I've been in a bit of a funk. But the upside was it prompted me to get out of there early, and I went home, changed, and went out. And on Wednesday S. actually apologized (sort of), and called me specifically to thank me for some minor routine task I'd done for the head of the law firm. It was sweet, if obviously inspired by earlier this week. But much more responsive than I had any right to expect in even a good professional environment. I think he really does want to make me happy though he's not completely equipped (personally or materially) to do it. That count for a bit, no denying it.

Still, it's exhausting! Staying angry or feeling wanted by themselves are fine, but this back-and-forth just has me feeling thoroughly pooped. Also like motivation to kick the job search off again. (I won't lie, I haven't been making the time for sending out resumes, even though I'm no less "stuck." If I didn't actually have the job, I'd be in that segment on the other side of the unemployment bubble who aren't actively looking for work anymore.)

In less depressing news:

1) Watch "Land Girls" if you haven't already. I binged on it last weekend, and at just 15 hours it's very watchable. Also wonderful. If you're not familiar, it's about British women who work the farm as a kind of civic service while their husbands are away. And it's not a soap-opera, but there was something about the high stakes that made me finally *get* the appeal of this. Also pretty deep on pro-life issues (In the modern American political sense). Loved all the actresses!

2) I've been toying with a new fic. I know, I know - I'm always talking about writing, never actually writing, but this feels a little more... concrete, I guess? Something got me thinking about the frustration you hear expressed by people who don't like slash (generally or in a particular pairing), that it downplays friendship when you talk about two characters being "just" friends vs. being romantically involved. Which got me think how a character who was actually romantically attracted to his friend but still had the same kind of frustration might parse it. Enter John Watson, sessions on the couch and long-overdue conversations with Sarah Sawyer, set in the weeks after Battersea.

"Just write the thing" is the most driving thought just now. I'd like to. I'm afraid exhaustion and depression might get the better of me (more than anything I feel the need to sleep for at least twenty-four hours just now). But the idea is intriguing, and I'm imagining how specifically it might play out.

Ah, well. Hope you all have a great weekend!

This entry was originally posted at https://marta-bee.dreamwidth.org/10574.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lindahoyland
Nov. 11th, 2017 02:35 am (UTC)
I hope you can find a better job.
engarian
Nov. 11th, 2017 10:50 am (UTC)
You're hanging in there, and even if they are crap at acknowledging you, at least they seem to be recognizing that. I hope you get caught up on sleep. In these shorter days, depression can sneak through the cracks all too easily (speaking from experience).

- Erulisse (one L)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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