fidesquaerens (marta_bee) wrote,
fidesquaerens
marta_bee

Tonight I actually opened up a file to start a fic. A LOTR fic at that: it was inspired by some V-S celebrations earlier this week, and was meant to be about Bergil ten years after the War of the Ring, trying to decide whether the men his dad killed in Rath Dinen should be categorized as heroes or not as part of a ten-year anniversary celebration in Minas Tirith. I gave it up as a bad job about five words in, but I saved the file and may come back to it.

I want to, quite badly. I have four other ideas in various stages of outline, but when I sit down to actually write, all I get is this profound sense of exhaustion. Some of that is physical - not enough sleep combined with thyroid numbers a bit off. Most of it is stress. But I'm still creative enough to come up with ideas, which is encouraging to me. It's just the execution that's more or less frustrated.

Which is still frustrating, though! Makes me wish I could find something fannish or at least creative to get involved in, something low-stress.

I have been fooling around on Tumblr a bit, but mostly it's self-indulgent whingeing and a bit of performance art. When I'm exhausted and stressed, it's very difficult to not give in to the things I want to say but know I probably shouldn't, and that's where I do that these days. It's more shaming than fun these days, I'm afraid. With some rare exceptions.

I did have another idea, though! Rap battles, like in "Hamilton," only between Lestrade and Gregson in Scarlet. It could be so much fun, if I remembeed ASIS properly!
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