fidesquaerens (marta_bee) wrote,

First, the mandatory RL update: I talked to my stepmum today and told her that I knew, was thinking of everyone but I really didn't want or need a great deal of contact just now. And I gave her a somewhat honest answer, too: while I'm not an atheist and not even anti-religious, for a whole host of reasons the way a lot of my dad's family approach grief and dying just isn't at all comfortable to me. I overstated that, but now is not the time to say, actually I'm at best an agnostic choosing to believe who finds great spiritual comfort in the intellectual exploration of religious themes and communal aspects with others who approach them the same way, I really don't see myself being comfortable in organized religion in the foreseeable future, particularly not the kind the rest of my family is finding their comfort in. (Which, I hasten to add, does not make me anything less than authentically Christian and Jewish, to the extent it's possible to be both simultaneously. Even Mother Teresa had her dark night of the soul.)

Really, it takes a very special person to have a spiritual crisis around a family member that's akin to being almost a closeted agnostic (which I'm not, except to the extent I kind of also am) more than theodicy coming back to bite me. This seems to be how I roll, though. I think I got across the fact that I want to be left alone, and geography being as it is, looks like that might actually work. Which does make things a bit simpler.

I've been not-thinking about it basically by reading "The Dying Detective" for the obvious reasons, which I started before I got the news but I read/re-read Doyle reaaaaaaaaally slowly. And I think those of you watching the episode are in for a wild ride because it's so similar to "The Final Problem." Even the turns of phrases are really similar, and in many ways (though not all), Holmes is even crueller to Watson than he was in FINA. (And poor Hudders!) I'm not sure I'll watch it right off. I want to, but I also don't want to remember whatever happens through the prism of RL. May just clean and do laundry and call it an early night.

Also got beta feedback on my Gorlim story today, which I've only skimmed but think I should be able to get that posted in a few days! Which would be a good start to the new year. I really do want to be writing more.
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