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Today, I went into Manhattan eArly. I'm actually not precisely sure why. I had to print out and submit some forms for a student's grade change from last semester and it seemed easier to do that in person rather than finding a printer and mailing it in. My access card was deactivated though so I couldn't go in. They sent me to another building several blocks away to alumni services but when I got there they said I'm not technically an alum. At which point I decided to forget it. I'll find a printer and buy a stamp.

The real issue was first ding a place to waste five hours before counseling. Public libraries aren't what they used to be because the city has very few homeless shelters that let you hang out during the day, I think on the theory you get out and get a job then. The problem is they have to go somewhere else, and those somewhere else's often make themselves less hospitable to people trying to spend long periods there. So they limit everything - internet, use of charging times, even bathroom visits. The computers aren't actual computers but kiosks that restrict what you can do which makes sense in its way. At least that's the clearest explanation I can get across on my Kindle. Slow typing messes with my head. ;-)

Which leaves me feeling a bit... dispossessed, I guess. Like I don't belong and am not wanted anywhere just now. Also it's been a day of too much noise and light, so being out in the open is making me skittish. If I had a real computer so I could plug in my "fortress of solitude" headphones and listen to some Miles Davis I'd be better. Or better yet if I could work on my story. Not sure why I thought it was worth making a day of this, but I can't go home until tonight and it's more than a bit not-good.

I'll manage of course. This weather (85 F) isn't helping. I'm just feeling worn out and like I need a hidey-hole.

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( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
shirebound
Jun. 17th, 2014 08:17 pm (UTC)
Like I don't belong and am not wanted anywhere just now.

I suspect I'll feel much like that in November after my job ends after so many years.

*encouraging hugs*
marta_bee
Jun. 18th, 2014 01:53 am (UTC)
Are you retiring, or will you be looking for another?

I read a blog piece a while back about how we often treat unemployment like a financial problem, which it is, but almost never as a psychological one. Losing your routines, your structure - it really stinks and can make you lose sight of who you are and why you count. I might use stronger language, if I was to be honest. I'm trying very hard to be positive and not let it get me down; today was hard in that category, but I've decided to give myself tomorrow just to do fannish and fun stuff so I can bounce back.
shirebound
Jun. 18th, 2014 01:55 am (UTC)
All I know at this point is that I plan to take a break. It *may* evolve into retirement, or partial retirement, but I'm just going to let it flow (and hopefully make good decisions).

Enjoy your Fannish Wednesday! :)
lindahoyland
Jun. 17th, 2014 09:16 pm (UTC)
Hugs.
marta_bee
Jun. 18th, 2014 01:53 am (UTC)
Thanks. *hugs back*
sjames_centre
Jun. 18th, 2014 12:35 am (UTC)
Thinking of you. Hugs.
marta_bee
Jun. 18th, 2014 01:54 am (UTC)
Thanks so much. Today was tough, but I canceled my volunteer hours and plan to spend tomorrow around here working on the story and maybe rewatching some Doctor Who. Much-needed mental health day. So I think that will help.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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