fidesquaerens (marta_bee) wrote,

I keep thinking there should come a point where I should at least be a bit embarrassed at how over-the-moon excited I am about the Sherlock premier tomorrow. It's like when you're a kid and you can't go to sleep on Christmas Eve night - I haven't been this giddy with excitement at least since the Lord of the Rings movies came out in the cinema.

That's precisely what it feels like at the moment, actually. Pure, unadulterated fannishness.

Which is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. I had forgotten how much I was missing this in my life, and while I'll calm down eventually... yeah. Not happening.

The funny thing is there's a part of me that wants to be serious and critical. I think I have great potential to do something constructive as a fan by way of discussion or thought-provoking fanfic or something along those lines. At the moment, though, I feel too much like a first rate fangirl. Flighty, and overwhelmed by anticipation, and giddy, and... well, all the things I wouldn't let myself do when I became a Responsible (TM) member of fandom. I'm not blind to the show's faults, both as adaptation or on larger issues like representation of characters of color (really don't get me started on that one), to say nothing of the show creator's way of talking about slash (if getting me started was a bad idea on the first topic...). I get why acting like Sherlock needs to become a more emotionally-alive character to be interesting or believable is insulting to people who really are less passionate by nature and had always found a bit of a hero in Holmes. I really do. But there's a part of me that's pure id, that' refuses to calm down and be serious.

That part of me is still six years old, unable to wind down and go to sleep because Santa is coming. And much as I struggle to give myself permission to be that person, I'm beginning to get comfortable with a fact: it's all good.

So yeah. It's a holiday. I'm not going to fight this. Because in two weeks, when the inevitable series cliffhanger ending has left me reduced to a human accordion on the floor and it's not four months but two years of waiting... well, gather ye rosebuds and all that. Plus, after the last several months I need this playground, and I'm not going to be ashamed of that.

As I said: it's all good.
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