You want weapons? We're in a library! Books! The best weapons in the world! This room's the greatest arsenal we could have - arm yourselves!
When I discovered you were a fan of Doctor Who, I wasn't the least bit surprised: you're really too intelligent and too much a bibliophile not to get a laugh out of certain parts of it. So in the tradition of offering gifts on the day, enjoy some Doctor Who-themed funnies.
2. Created by someone clever, but unfortunately I've lost track of whom:
And, because no birthday is truly complete without cake, enjoy some gingerbread with apple cider mixed in for flavoring, with sinfully yummy cream cheese frosting.
Many happy returns!