March 23rd, 2020

bilbo

Mountains, Gandalf!

Check-in time!

I'm working from home. I'm one of the lucky ones who can: work gave me a laptop and my job involves staring at a screen and talking on the phone anyway, so I'm really ridiculously lucky. Work's actually a good deal more pleasant because keeping up my public face is exhausting all day (never mind the commute), and I can also do stuff like listen to Cabin Pressure all day on the computer not being used for work.

I'm not really set up for longterm work from home, though, so I've been dealing with a lot of lower-back pain from sitting hunched over a laptop all day. Also nothing fun is open! It's amazing to me how much I rely on movies and shopping and just people-watching on the bus. Have also been staying away from the Kid for social-distancing reasons, and that's no fun at all.

The big thing is probably that I'm mentally wiped out. I don't know if it's stress or just the ennui of living in my apartment all day long; I want to write (I really did intend to do at least a piece or two for BMEM!), quite badly, but I just... can't. Even blogging seems like too much effort just now. And you'll tell me there's no reason I have to write, which is true enough, but misses the point that I actually want to and am just too worn out to do it. Worn out with no objective reason (I'm not commuting, after all), and I'm stuck at home all day and all night anyway.

I don't know. It feels like the world's gone off the rails, and I'm not set up for living where I'm not</> navigating the great sea of people that is New York. It's wearing on me, and this is only after a week.

That said - I'm not sick, I'm not broke, I am so much better off than so many people. I am trying to be grateful. Would that it were so easy!