fidesquaerens (marta_bee) wrote,

Originally published at Faith Seeking Understanding. You can comment here or there.

I really need to get on a better sleep schedule. Part of it is the broken foot. Normally I go for long walks several times a week, but this week even getting around my apartment can be a bit painful. The upshot is, I’m just not physically tired at the end of the day. Which means I’m up half the night then exhausted by daytime. I’ve also been having nightmares when I can sleep, which hardly makes for a restful night. Old nightmares, but still very upsetting.

I blame the news that I only have funding left for the 2013-14 school year, and after that things get tricky. I basically get thrown into adjunct-land if I don’t finish my dissertation by then and if I don’t find a permanent position. I know I downplayed the stress earlier but I think that thought does have me weirded out a bit. It’s not that I don’t think I’ll make ends meet. It’s just the uncertainty of it all. I know the best thing I can do is keep my nose to the grindstone and actually get work done, but the thought of things not falling into place has me feeling boundless, which brings up all demons.

All of which adds up to too little sleep at two odd of hours. I’m taking a nap and have set my alarm clock for noon in the hopes that will be enough to get me through until tonight. I was up all night two nights ago because I was actually making progress (not on the dissertation proposal but on a future chapter for the dissertation proper; why is finishing this proposal such a sheer act of will?). WHich meant I finally fell asleep during the day after being up thirty-six hours. Now I’ve only had 2-3 hours of sleep last night. I tried to focus on the proposal and actually got a few hundred words written, but the problem was, I kept having to rewrite them over and over again so I ended up with very little progress. The truly orcsy part is now <i>again</i> I am too drained and grumpy to be counted among the truly awake.

Insomnia stinks. Weird sleep schedules stink. I think I need exercises that will wear me out without requiring functional feet. That’s a hard bill to meet, I’m sure.

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